Haggis (in a can)
Ok so here it is, Christmas time and my brother has invited me to one of his parties. There are a lot of cool people there (some I even know). Some are people he used to work with (he retired). The high light of this party is usually the White Elephant Gift Exchange (further referred to as WEGE). A WEGE is where everyone brings a gift not knowing who will end up with it. Everyone gets a number and it goes in order. If you get something you don't want you can force someone to trade with you. If they don't want it they can force a trade (up to three trades). Then whoever got it is pretty much stuck with it unless some hap happends to want it. It is chaos and too much to go into here.
So I'm not much for shopping and have already ridded myself of unwanted re-giftables. Being the cheap-o that I am I decided to give a few things laying around the apartment (new items) and get one odd item to set it all off. That way they get more than one item in my WEGE offering. So I'm at Molley Stones in San Mateo, buying some groceries and I came accross something they had last year that I wish I had bought to torture someone with. I had someone in mind, but Chris went back to Scotland where this, er, um, eh , foodstuff is concocted. For years people have made fun of the Scottish and this, aside from bag pipes and Kilts is why. It is Haggis. What I got was even worse, Haggis in a can. After reading the ingredients and the "serving suggestions" the Scots look even funnier. Check this out:
Notice that is is made with the finest ingredients and that it is skinless. What that means to me is that someplace there is a can of Haggis that is not made with the finest ingredients and is not skinless. The "not skinless" part becomes very important when you look at the ingredients.
So if you can't read them here they are: Water, Lamb Heart (skinless?), Oats (skinless?), Pork Fat(skinless?), Lamb Liver (skinless?), Pork (skinless?), Salt, Natural Flavors (like natural rotting bio-waste?) Dehydrated Onion (skinless?) Free from aritificial colors, flavors and perservatives.
God I'm glad there is no red dye or mono-sodium-whatever!
AND, it's made in the USA. Well there are some jobs they just can't cut. I'll bet they NEVER outsource this to India! But I could be wrong. Just imagine, curry flavored Haggis!
If you read the "Serving Suggestions" and you aren't in AA this might seem logical. What it says is:
Traditionally, haggis is eaten with mashed potatoes and turnip (rutabagga). For ultimate enjoyment this dish should be washed down with a glass of Scotch Whiskey. Use as a stuffing for poultry or game. As a snack, served on hot buttered toast with melted cheese. Also makes an interesting base for canapes. Or how about Haggis with fries? As a starter for a special meal- "Haggis Jacobean" place 2-3 haddis in an individual serving dish and heat in over or microwave until piping hot. Serve with a generous portion of fresh cream |
I think if I even considered eating this concoction I'd have to have the glass of Scotch Whisky first. Or several and they'd have to be BIG glasses (18-20 oz). By then I guess Haggis would seam reasonable. I just can't imagine what God would think if this was used as stuffing. "Well I did tell them it was ok to eat other animals, but cutting up a lambs heart and shoving it up a chickens arse then eating it, well I don't know". And just what type of "fresh cream" would that Jacobean thing require?
To qoute from is the heating instructions:
Empty contents of can into microwaveable dish and break up the haggis with a fork. Cover and heat in microwave for approx 4 minutes(650w). until piping hot, stirring occaisionally. Refer to oven manufacturers guidlines. Alternatively, empty contents into a pan. Heat gently, stirring often until piping hot. |
Ok so when I empty the contents into a microwaveable dish and pass out from the looks and smell of it I'm supposed to stir occaisionally. And that "piping hot" thing, Is that Bag Piping Hot?
With that I'll leave you with the nutrition facts (only a picture I'm done here). It's blurry because even my camera got sick looking at this stuff.
Enlightened Visitors.